Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
