very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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