i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
