Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't turn off my feet"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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