I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
