Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
