Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
