I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
