official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
