I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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