I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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