if you like me you must not know who I am
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
