matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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