Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
