Swine flu. Run for my life!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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