my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
