So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
