We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
