Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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