Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
are you so shy because you have an std?
birth control should be required to get into college
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
