i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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