it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
