dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
