so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize