I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
