So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
