if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
