he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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