I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
its liver damage thursday
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
