I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
