She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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