recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
