My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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