Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
