This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
