Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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