I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize