apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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