We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
