So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
do herpes really smell.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my liver is dry heaving
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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