it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize