I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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