After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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