Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
