i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
