I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
