it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
