Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
