It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
