he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
