i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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