I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
