honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
