we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
