So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
