All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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