i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i love accidental penises.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
