Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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