You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Everclear isn't food dammit
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
