I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
