He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
