I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
