Where did you get a picture of my penis
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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