It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
