I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
