It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
