My nipple is on Facebook.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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