he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so let's talk penis.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
