Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
