Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
