Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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