The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
