maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
