6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Are we still banned from the library?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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